Heart

I've been in search of God, peace, balance and Zen a lot lately. A lot having to do with work, but a lot based on the fact that I'm growing up, and life didn't turn out quite the way I wanted it to be. See I never had a grand plan, and I knew what I thought I wanted, but things happen and change. I've had to find peace with a not perfect house, an unglamorous job and my own disappointments and expectations. It's the whole, I'm 30 and this is where I am right now. How, why and when did I get here?

I need to find a way to be ok with all of this so I don't feel this awful regret, anger or longing about what could have been. I want to be at peace with myself and life as it has turned out.

Anyway I really liked the book Eat, Pray, Love. Its been part of my finding peace & acceptance in the world. My sister drew little scenes on post-it notes in her assigned novel readings because it helped her remember the story. This is a doodle/drawing I made from a part of this book. It's describes a painting a Bali medicine man drew. It's an androgynous human in prayer, with 4 legs, foliage & flowers at the head, and a small smiling face drawn over the heart. Below is what is written in the book about that drawing.

"'To find balance you want,' Ketut spoke through his translator, 'this is what you must become. You must keep your feet grounded so firmly on the earth that it's like you have four legs, instead of two. That way you can stay in the world. But you must stop looking at the world through your head. You must look through your heart, instead. That way, you will know God'"
Elizabeth Gilbert
Eat, Pray, Love

I'm learning to listen to my heart and see the world through this. You can also call it intuition, gut feelings, sixth sense or such, but I think there might be something to this. You've got to trust your heart, over your head sometimes. I kinda like this.