Life Cycle - Birth, Death and an Earthquake

Photo from http://fourleafclovergoodluckcharms.weebly.com

New things today, we found out about a death and a birth. Today of all days, St. Patrick's day yes, I found out our friends had a little baby girl born this morning. Later this evening, I found out that a relative's grandmother died this morning as well. The death was quite sad, and the birth quite lovely. I'd like to think that life comes around and I would like to think that a new life was born, and someone else left and passed on to better place. Really sort of neat to find out that, it was one of those, circle of life things. Really odd and great when it all comes together like that. We had an earthquake this morning as well. Interesting firsts today.

Some quotes I thought were appropriate.

The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be the beginning.
~Ivy Baker Priest

God pours life into death and death into life without a drop being spilled.  ~Author Unknown


“For certain is death for the born And certain is birth for the dead; Therefore over the Thou shouldst not grieve.”
Bhagavad Gita


“I'm not scared of dyin', and I don't really care if it's peace you find in dyin'. Well then let the time be near. And when I die and when I'm gone there'll be one child born and a world to carry on.”
Laura Nyro


Also... this song keeps playing in my head. Graham Colton's Love Comes Back Around. Lyrics Here. Video below.

Zencast 455 - What is by Alan Watts, Lent Resolutions and Weight Watchers Weekly Allowance

New thing today, listened to the podcast Zencast 455 - What is by Alan Watts. It was fantastic. I really enjoyed it. He's an excellent speaker and I enjoyed listening at work. Unfortunately I didn't get to really pay attention to all of it, since I was listening at work and had to do brain work or get interrupted once in awhile, but overall I really enjoyed it. I even thought of downloading his app per the plug at the end, but I found out his lectures and app go $19.99-$34.99 depending on which one you get. He must be an excellent speaker? I may have to read up on him.

Anyway the podcast was about "I", self and all that. He had some really interesting, thought provoking and profound ways of presenting issues. He was also very good at making things relatable and not too completely un-followable as some Zen podcasts can be. Great one if you're interested.

Also on a side note - some other new things today. First, decided to give up TV shows for Lent. Today is Ash Wednesday and it begins, so no TV shows. I have this bad habit of just turning on a TV show when I'm tired, not really paying attention, but paying attention, and having it play for hours on end. I've watched whole seasons in a few days, and I don't get a whole lot done, and I don't really watch the TV show either. It's a weird distraction I enjoy, which I'm going to do without and learn to break that habit. I just like having TV on in the background which is something I want to change and improve upon.

The other thing I thought about giving up is "laziness", although I'm not sure I can so I'm going to just keep it in the back of my mind. There's a difference between your mind and body needing a good rest and relaxation, and laziness. I'm going to try to identify laziness and not do it, and I'll also try identifying when I really need rest and listen to it as well. So important!

So to end on a bad note, another first, I used up all my Weight Watchers Weekly points allowance and my daily allowance today. It's 2 more days in my weekly cycle, but let's be honest, I'll probably go over. Although I did play Trampoline Dodgeball this weekend, but I also ate at Popeye's for Mardi Gras yesterday, so I guess that cancels out. I guess it's good I track, because you have no idea how many points/calories fast food is, but it's a lot, and I was surprised. Should have planned better, but oh well. Those are my new things :)

Recognized Emotional Eating - Boredom

New thing today, recognized I was hungry from being bored. First day back after President's day long weekend. It's a little rough after a glorious 3 day weekend. I found myself craving food and getting hungry, even though I really shouldn't since I had breakfast. I payed attention as to why I was hungry, and realized I was bored. Work is boring. It can be monotonous and dull. So I realized I just wanted food for a "high" or something interesting to add to my day. It's a Weight Watchers topic from this week, so I'm paying attention to what drives me - emotional eating.

Anyway turns out Boredom is definitely one of my triggers. So when I recognized this, I decided to entertain my brain and listen to some Pandora Comedy while working, instead of snacking, to challenge the brain a bit. It worked! I got rid of the craving, was more productive at work, and didn't eat food just to feel entertained. Curiouser and Curiouser. I think that keeping my brain fed or entertained or stimulated is essential to my health. It's kind of cool finding that out and learning that. My body uses food to get high or entertained, rather than as a way to nourish myself. Learning to nourish myself :) New thing.

Christmas in a Cemetery

New thing today, Christmas Eve, drove through a cemetery. Wasn't feeling morbid, just that there's one nearby and on a lunch break, decided to drive through just to see it. Usually they're very green and serene and relaxing, so just a little lunch detour before heading back to work. Anyway, I found it very sweet. I saw people decorating the graves for Christmas. I also saw an old man sitting on a chair next to a grave, obviously spending time. Appreciate your loved ones and in the spirit of Christmas, remember to cherish people! Here are a few shots. 

That was unexpected

New thing today, was truly truly shocked at something a friend told me. No details, but basically, I found out something completely unexpected about someone I know.

It goes along with something I was thinking about today. How much of our life is ours, and how much of it is a product of something people tell us it should be. I've been pretty unhappy and depressed about job stuff, but not for the reasons people may think. The reduced pay and change of title isn't nearly as demoralizing, as the lowered expectations people have of me, or the loss of faith I have in myself.

How much of my unhappiness is a product of expectations others have of me, or of expectations I have from myself? What is true self realization stuff, and how much of it is what society/others have ingrained in me to believe, that I should be? Lately I've been thinking about what is real and what really makes me happy, vs what I'm supposed to like or do or want. The Zen habit of unlearning I suppose, and finding truth and essence of life.

Like - I should make this much money. I should have this at this age. I should be at this point in my life at this time. I should be happy or unhappy with this or that.

Anyway, maybe this goes along with a goofy thing I saw on TED Talks (new thing), about perception and the illusion of reality or value being more important than reality or value (Rory Sutherland - Life lessons from an Ad Man - very interesting and entertaining), or that I'm reading a ton of science fiction? Anyway. Sorry for... no, not sorry. "Say what you want to say" right Sara Bareilles? I've been loving that song lately and I just watched that video for the first time (new thing) and I'm pretty sure it was filmed at CSUN library and the Northridge mall - HOLLA! I'm going to practice being brave, and thinking and saying things that are on my mind, instead of necessarily saying and thinking the things I think I'm suppose to say and think.

Anyway, not sorry for the existential rant (also not sure if that's the right word but whatever).

So ya. I'm in one of those moods, and this is one of those posts. Maybe there may be more, or not, but ya, new thing.

Modern Cubicle Art

I'm back :) Took a bit of a break but I'm ready to start-up again. Not necessarily daily, but every so often.

New thing of the day, made my first modern art piece in my cubicle. This was Desktop Aquarium that I decided to dry and clean out. Leaving water in there made it a bit stale and icky, so after cleaning and drying, decided to play with it a bit. 

I call this piece "Fish Out of Water",

as a statement on artificial life 

and living outside the box.

Chili Spaghetti, an Evite and Cracked Pots

New thing of the day (3) - had spaghetti noodles with chili, sent out our first Evite, and made a New Year's Resolution.

First off, the New Year's resolution. I'm not a fan of New Year's resolutions because I think you should make resolutions all year, not just New Year's, but I suppose a New Year is a good place to start. Anyway - in reflecting, I realize I'm a bit of a perfectionist. I often do NOT try or do things, for fear of failure. This seems weird, but it's true. I don't like to try new recipes until I've seen someone do it and feel I could do it deliciously. I'm very hard on myself in general things and don't want to try if I don't think I can do it awesomely. I resist things, because I'm afraid of not being amazing at them.

Anyway - so I sorta made a resolution, to be imperfect. My goal in 2011, which won't be difficult, is to fail over and over again. To be imperfect. To embrace the flaws and in a spiritual sense, give up perfection. I think my husband told me of some architect or artist, who purposefully creates flaws in their work, because they believe only God is perfect and to create flaws to honor that. I sorta like the fable of the cracked pot - get it? :) At the bottom of the blog is one version of the story. Anyway, I just think I really need to try harder to be imperfect. To fail, to try, to go, to fail and maybe get it right once in awhile. Don't know. I'll let you know how this imperfection style goes.

Ok so next new thing - had some leftover chili. An Italian coworker gave me some pasta noodles from his house and as he said "he was sick of pasta". So decided to combine the two into chili spaghetti. It's not such a stretch since chili is somewhat tomato based. Turned out DELISH! Yum Yum :) The spaghetti was the perfect texture al dente too - so I just heat the chili and added the cold spaghetti. Yum! :) 

Another new thing, decided to finally host a house party. First one. ACK! We've delayed having one because I didn't feel the house was ready, but also, because I'm shy about hosting one. Truthfully it's a little terrifying. I have very high expectations of what a great party should be, and I want my house and party to be great. Unfortunately we don't have a great house, we have a good one, and I'm hoping we all have enough room and people have fun. Truthfully most house parties we've gone to - it wasn't the house that made it awesome, but the people. So I'm hoping that's what works at our place. Plus the food, music, guests, etc. I don't know. I'm very nervous, but I hope we do OK. We scheduled it later in the month since we'll be busy with travels, family and school. Oddly enough, I dreaded scheduling or setting a date for a party, but once I did, I was looking forward to hosting and getting ready for it. I hope it's big enough or nice enough for people. I'm not really sure if it is, but we'll take the chance. If it bombs, well, here's to imperfection!

Anyway - here's that story :) Cheers :) And Happy New Year!

The Cracked Pot -- a Chinese Fable

A water bearer in China had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which he carried across his neck. One pot had a crack in it, while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After 2 years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream:
"I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house." The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?

"That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I planted flower seeds on your side of the path. Every day while we walk back, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."

Moral: We're a bunch of cracked pots. Each of us has our own unique flaws. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are, and look for the good in them.

Christmas Hiatus

New thing of the day, I think I'm quitting.

Well, I'm quitting the daily blog anyway. Christmas was tons of fun! Lots of presents, family, driving and cool stuff. I have lots of new things I could blog about, but I think it's not worth it to do it every day. Life is for living, not for blogging about it. So I think I'll change the tone of this blog to be more about the quality of the new thing I've tried, rather than the quantity. The daily blog has become rather burdensome rather than inspiring. So I will now blog when I have something interesting or new I've tried. Goal will be to do more creative things, rather than just finding something to blog about every day.

On the long drive home I got to thinking. I spent way too much money on gifts this year. I have an artist cousin who inspired me. She gave me a photo print of one of her drawings. I love a lot of gifts my aunts make because they're home made blankets, ornaments, cards or paintings. My favorite gifts are always the creative self-made ones. So I'd like to start planning and trying for next year, to be more creative and make all my gifts.

In addition to saving money, I get to do something creative with myself in anticipation of gifts. I have a lot of creativity and undiscovered talents that I believe in - so I'd like to explore those. Not sure if this blog helped me break out of the "afraid to try new things" thing, but maybe it did. I saw my aunt cook Filipino food and it made it feel easy and accessible. I've seen relatives give home-made gifts and I want to do that too. I'm tired of thinking about new things to try, and I just want to do it. Take chances. As my Oatmeal Cake disaster showed me, I mess up, but all the more motivation to do it well.

We got a blender and a crock pot for Christmas and I can't wait to try them and to try new recipes. It seems like scarves and socks were a cozy hit at Christmas so I want to learn to crochet and make them for next year's gifts. Also, we finally put up some bookshelves and I have my own corner for creative cards, paintings and such. I think I'll start painting/drawing again and posting them here. I can finally start scrap booking and printing out the many photos I store up but never really share or do much with. So many fun creative and non-TV projects I want to try. I want to do more essential important things.

Plus with my Master's degree and school - time will most likely be more strained. Eating out is costing too so gotta start doing stuff at home. Anyway - it's a New Year's resolution I suppose even though I don't believe in New Year's Resolutions, only once a year. I think you should always seeking to improve yourself.

So New thing of the day - today, I got crocheting hook, yarn and booklet on my own. Last time I tried crocheting, my grandma was around to help me learn. I was much younger then and forgot most of it. Then I tried learning with a friend long ago. We did a bit in the car on a road trip but I didn't stick with it. Now I am self-inspired after Christmas but also to make beautiful pieces like my grandmother does. I think I want to learn crocheting, then sewing, then making clothes and quilting - a passion I've always had. Not sure how long I can stick to crocheting, but if I know their end goal - Christmas 2011, it'll be easier to make.

So anyway, first steps. Went to Joann's after work. My is it intimidating. All those yarns and hooks to choose from. I chose a small pretty book for patterns I like and could follow. I chose a variety of plastic crochet hook sizes. I also chose a nice yarn color that I wouldn't mind making into something. Project is to make a scarf for husband and/or friends/family. Socks and scarves for now. One step at a time. I've got to remember that.

Anyway - did a few practice runs and was able to make something semi-descent start to a scarf. I kept doing a few rows then taking them out again. Trying to get good practice before actually starting a scarf. A single stitch crochet for now. I'll start at the beginning and not try to be overambitious or zealous about getting good fast. That's the trouble I think. We always seek to be great fast. I'm taking the Japanese approach. Always working to perfection and seeking to improve. I've also been reading some eastern buddhist religion texts so that's inspiring as well.

OK so, new goal. Do new things, but not every day, and do more creative new things. I thought about quitting the whole blog altogether, but I think it's been a good exercise. It's just one I can't keep up daily, and that's ok. Will keep trucking.

Well, happy holidays y'all!

POWER!

New thing of the day, being in charge of my department at work.

It felt like a life test. For some weird reason, my boss has been turning to me a lot lately to be his second. He thinks highly of me and trusts me to take care of things when he's not around. I'm being "groomed". It's good, but also scary, because I am not the most senior person in the department and there are a lot of office politics to deal with.

Anyway, my boss was out today and specifically put me in charge of the place while he was gone. We had another senior member of the department out, so short staffed and in charge, I think I managed rather well. Better actually because I didn't have to call rank with someone more senior. Luckily I have a good/great relationship with the remaining members of my department, so things went pretty smoothly.

One thing came up in the afternoon needing some leadership and a decision. It's something that sort of affects the company at many levels. I think I handled it well, and will continue to handle it tomorrow and as the "project" rolls out. I'm a little nervous because I have to talk to everyone in the company tomorrow about this new plan, in place of my boss. I talked to him and he's cool with it but nervous about the roll-out just like I am. Our styles differ, but we appreciate the differences and aren't in conflict. I know my place and I try to play my hands evenly.

Anyway, it was overall I think a successful day. Tomorrow and other days will probably be harder, as I'll probably have to manage and eventually pull rank and decisions over people more senior than me in the department. We'll have to roll out this project with my leadership. I'll be the person people ask for the decision after awhile. It's awkward at times, and well, I dread being a bad leader, which perhaps is why I would be a good one? I think I have a level head and a cooperative attitude, which is probably my biggest advantage.

It's just surprising, but a nice surprise, that a boss thinks I'm good enough to take over after him. It's amazing and a nice confidence builder, even though I'm not confident. It's an interesting test, with him being gone. I'm truly honored but also afraid of disappointing or acting like an ass. I don't want to make any mistakes. I guess the best way to make sure is to cover bases, ask lots of questions and talk to lots of departments to make sure that we're getting it right. Communicate when need be.

Anyway it's not always the easiest thing being in charge and having the decisions of the department in your hands. I may be over dramatizing, but it's how it feels. Everything is new from this vantage point. Here's to crossing my fingers and hope I step carefully. Gotta be smart and lucky to make this work. Eeek!

100th post - Review

The money shot! This will be the 100th day since I started this project!

It's been interesting. In the beginning I was all motivated to write. As time goes on, I find it to be more of a chore and annoyance. I don't always want to write. I suppose that's the point - the journey of it. Some days I don't have time to write so I wait until a few days later to post about the event or the thing, so memory must remain. I also find I don't write better, just more. Maybe I'm getting better at just spitting it out?

Some days though, I'm completely inspired and jazzed to write about something. It fuels me, and I love writing those pieces. I wonder if anyone reads this stuff besides a few friends and family. I wonder if I should market myself and make money off this blog, and try to become a semi-full time writer on this. I wonder if I should keep it private or tell everyone. I wonder if I should say my name on this.

Anyway lots of things to think about. It's not the little things to write about that bother me. It's actually writing about it that's a bit of an annoying exercise. I find most days I can easily find one new thing I've done or tried. In fact, it's usually more than one. Some days, at the end of the day, there's nothing so I come up with someone at the last minute. No planning, no backup, just - ok here we go.

Living on the spur of the moment. Finding that not liking things is just as revealing as liking things.

Just some thoughts on the process. I've often thought about giving up and quitting this thing, especially with finals and the holidays coming up. Although, thinking now, maybe I should try a little longer and see if/where I develop.

So far, the journey, has its hills and rough spots, but overall, am very proud of my progress this far. Plus this is another new thing. I've never - posted 100 blogs in a row. Boo-ya baby!

Food Matters

New thing of today, watched the documentary "Food Matters".

Just in time for the holidays and Thanksgiving. I really liked this documentary. It was based on a book and goes over all the ways food and nutrition is essential for health.

I took a nutrition class a few years back and the documentary goes further to say how important food is for good nutrition. There are a lot of great arguments for eating right and treating food more like medicine. You are what you eat, and food is essential fuel for your body.

So I highly recommend this and hope you eat better this holiday season :)

Library Card

New thing of the day, got a library card from a local library.

I'm working my way to a Master's in Library Science, and interviewed a librarian a few weeks back. We have library cards from various other libraries, but not the one where I interviewed the librarian. So decided to go in today after work and get one. I also took husband to that library and showed him around, and he was very impressed.

We picked up applications and luckily we had documents with our current address on it. Filled out the forms, had the librarian log the info, and she took a photo of us for our cards right there. We got our own personalized photo Library Card ID - all in under 15 minutes. It's a pretty snazzy library.

Then we decided to look around. There were parts of the library I had not yet browsed, being the only 2nd time I've been there. I also think we'll be going there after work more often, because it's hard to do homework at home. There are way too many distractions like TV, housework, etc. In the library, you are sort of forced to focus on whatever is in front of you. So we'll be visiting there for homework more often.

I think the library is a bit like my church. I get a warm fuzzy feeling whenever I go in, and I could peruse the isles for hours and not notice the time go by. It's where I am inspired and I feel like the world has a million positive possibilities. I feel like there are wonderful secrets and infinite knowledge hidden in the stacks. It's where people go to research, to dream, to discover and find places in the heart and the mind we have not yet explored.

Anyway I'm very romantic about the library. I'm hating my cataloging and classification class I'm taking this semester - so this quick trip helped re-ignite my love of libraries and added a bit of fuel to my dying fire for school. Lately I've been procrastinating, dreading and avoiding school work. I really need to be more inquisitive. Lately I've been afraid of asking questions, for fear of looking stupid. I have to be more brave about learning.

I also picked a book on Edgar Cayce - very interesting person. Also got an Eyewitness Guide of New Orleans :) I like the photos and want to do more fun prep for the trip. I think I have 4 library cards now - all relatively local libraries. This is probably the last one for awhile. I think I have every area covered so far. Perhaps I will try to pick-up my alma mater's university library card as well.

So that was the new thing. If I had a happy place, it would probably be the library. I recommend for people to often go to their happy places, to inspire them. It's something that we often forget or take for granted. So go :)

Penn & Teller: Bullshit!

New thing of today, watched episodes of Penn & Teller: Bullshit!

I added the series season 4 to our Netflix instant queue because I thought my husband would enjoy it. So while I was busy he started playing an episode, and it caught my interest and got me watching too. They focus in on an issue or thing that they think is "bullshit".

I really enjoy the swearing in this pseudo-documentary style. It's part entertainment, documentary and sort of a journalistic candid viewpoint on issues. It takes a comedic jab at any point it can. It doesn't take the issues seriously and tries to take a rounded view on things.

We skipped around the season on topics that sounded interesting. The first episode we saw was on prostitution. It was about the debate of legality and criminalization of prostitution. I really enjoyed this episode. They partly shock and make you think. They interview both sides, look at history and they also make fun of people and situations. Of course they show naked girls and make light jokes about various situations. It was overall a comedic view the issue but also takes a side and adds some magic side demonstrations to help elaborate points.

The next episode we saw was based on the topic of rudeness. This was hilarious! It is based on etiquette and analyzes how rude people in America are. They interview various people, talk about etiquette organizations. Of course they're making fun of everything as they go, especially the etiquette experts. Calling one guy "Let's go back to the angry fuck". Wow the etiquette lady is a total bitch and they make a point to point it out, politely.

The next episode we saw was on crypto-zoology, the study of finding hidden bizarre mysterious animals such as the bigfoot, chupacabra, loch ness and various other mythical animals. Interestingly enough, the most interesting evidence they demonstrate against Loch Ness is a new and very smart solution that I've never seen on any loch ness documentary. They bring in a scientist that talks about the feasibility of an animal being that large, living off the lake and the food in the lake. He demonstrates how the amount of food in the lake can't sustain an animal like the Loch Ness. That is amazingly smart and logical.

This may be my new favorite show. We laughed out loud quite a few times. The etiquette episode was the funniest. I love how they make fun of people and situations. I'm so happy it's on season 4 which means there's plenty of fans and fodder for future and past shows. This is another show that makes me sad that we don't have cable or TV.

This is a perfect show for our tastes. It brings up interesting issues and has some very smart comedic views on things. It's an easy watch. Lighter than a documentary, but not as serious. Surprisingly it has more information then a lot of watered down history channel type shows. It's got a lot of smart insights and some meaty informational bits, mixed in with comedy and magic. As odd and weird as that sounds, it totally works.

It also makes me re-think my swearing off swearing. I really like Deb - the sister on Dexter who swears all the time. This show swears a lot, but it's fun and entertaining. I like the rawness and honesty and no holds barred mentality behind swearing. I think I won't be so anti-swearing any more.

I absolutely love this show. I think Penn said it best when he said, "Don't take yourself too seriously". It gets my thumbs up and we will continue watching.

Recognize

New thing of today, admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. I'm not an alcoholic, but I recognize a need to change.

Yesterday I was telling a story, using a lot of swear words and being unnecessarily long winded. I noticed people wincing at my swear words and I noticed myself unable to be concise. I realized that, I was sort of picking up on a personality trait of someone I spend a lot of time around.

Recently we were talking about how much our office atmosphere has an effect on us. We can't help but be influenced by the people around us. I'm definitely picking up some very bad habits from people I hang out with. It's mainly based on communication styles and how I speak with people. It's a bunch of little things I'm noticing that I finally recognize and am determined to change.

Swearing is one. Not listening very well is another. Being long winded and not getting to the point. Being negative. These are just a few of the traits I'm noticing about myself lately. I'm doing things that are uncharacteristically me. I think it's because, well, I'm spending way more time and proximity with people and they're having a greater influence in my mood, my attitude and my reactions then they should. In general I'm very adaptable which may not be a good trait in this situation.

Instead of berating myself for slowly acting like someone else, I want to have a role model, ideal for something to look up to. Someone classy, elegant with a strong healthy character. Someone I can mold myself after and try to emulate.

I'd like to pick someone with more guts and backbone. I'm not naturally forceful. I'm sort of a easy going "go with the flow" type person. That doesn't always cut it. I need a healthy way to evolve, survive and thrive this oppressing environment.

Sometimes we need to find our own strength and voice, and maybe a little inspiration from someone else can help. Someone with force of personality who fought back when the going got tough. Not necessarily a bitch who likes to pick fights, but someone who, more likely, stood proud and strong when needed.

There are so few women characters and role models out there that can be strong, command respect and yet be feminine. Honestly, I'm having a hard time finding a role model who fits what I'm looking for.

I found that, there aren't very many strong lead female characters in western pop culture. It's quite sad. Most strong female leads are very masculine, or perhaps just hot action stars. There are few women with a lot of grit, character or force of personality. Meryl Streep probably plays the strongest roles. Let's face it, most of our heroes are men. That's just how they're written these days.

The verdict is still out. I don't have one female muse to find my strength of character to follow, but I am open to suggestions - comments! :)

Anyway back to the point, I recognize a problem with my outlook, mannerisms, speech and demeanor. Next step, I am determined to evolve into an emotionally stronger and more positive person. Someone with more confidence, class and moxie. A lady and a tiger. Perhaps I'll just have to be the change I wish to see in the world.

Anyway below are some of the strong female muses I came up with. I know I'm missing some good ones, but alas.

Evey - Natalie Portman in V for Vendetta

Lisbeth Salander - Noomi Rapace in Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Classy - Audrey Hepburn (of course) and Anne Hathoway

- And many more women out there deserving mention but it's late and it's time to sleep.

Hemingway

New thing of today, started reading Ernest Hemingway. 

Last night it's drinking, today it's Hemingway - what a combo! I was browsing the aisles at the library when I saw a section of Hemingway novels. Read the cover of "The Garden of Eden" and it looked interesting, but I didn't have the time or the patience to start a new novel. So there was a book of his short stories nearby and I picked it up.

I turned to a random page and started reading the beginning of "Old Man at the Bridge". I was captivated and decided to sit down with it. I really liked that story because it was a great telling of a significant yet insignificant moment in time. I like how Hemingway seems to see beyond and wants to show it. Loved this first story so started flipping around to find another one.

I didn't have a lot of time at the library so I wanted a story I could finish quickly and put the book back in the stack before I left. I like stories that have endings. We have too many stories that don't end. I find sometimes it's just a cheap way to make more money like TV shows or a very popular series of novels. At times the story and heart itself is lost because extending it is more important than the development, evolution and telling of the tale or characters. Plus I don't have a lot of free time these days and I like stories that end. I loved the TV series "Avatar, the last Airbender", and I'm very happy that they ended it and concluded the series, versus trying to make it live on past its prime. 

So I flipped around and started reading through a few beginnings. I got through a few pages of "The Short Happy Life of Francis Macomber" but it wasn't getting interesting. Then I checked and apparently the preface was written by Hemingway himself, so I decided to read through it. It was short and sweet and oh so good. I'll quote an excerpt below.

"In going where you have to go, and doing what you have to do, and seeing what you have to see, you dull and blunt the instrument you write with. But I would rather have it bent and dull and know I had to put it on the grindstone again and hammer it into shape and put a whetstone to it, and know that I had something to write about, than to have it bright and shining and nothing to say, or smooth and well-oiled in the closet, but unused."

So I flipped around again and started "The Snows of Kilimanjaro". I only got about halfway through before it was time to go. I debated on putting it back on the library shelf, or checking it out. Decided to check it out and finish the story another time. I have yet to, but am looking forward to it. 

I may seriously consider short stories as a way to read, versus trying to commit to novels. I get bored easily and find that if I'm not captivated in the first page, then it's tough reading the rest of the way. Even if I love a beginning, if it gets to slow in the middle I tend to put it down and not pick it back up. So I have many unfinished books. 

Short stories may be a better alternative, with very little invested and not far to go until the end. Plus the author is forced to complete their story in fewer pages, and it may prove for better writing, less fluff and a more unique storytelling. I had an english teacher who told us once "It's much easier to write a lot. It's very difficult to say what you need to and say it in one page". Our assignments were usually one paragraph or one page long, and we had to come up with something brilliant in that small frame. It was more difficult and I learned so much more and loved the challenge.

I also love fairy tales, Aesop's fables and children's books. Maybe I naturally like short stories and never realized it. Anyway this was the first delve into short stories and especially Hemingway. I'm going to allow myself to skip the boring bits and just read what I enjoy. Usually I feel obligated to read everything and be thorough. After all - this is a classic author I know nothing about and I should read his stuff. Putting the "should" in something takes away from it somehow. We keep forcing ourselves to conform and do things we "should", when natural love and passion come from mindlessly meandering into something and consuming it all on our own. I read somewhere that forcing people to do things, takes away from the discovery of falling in love with it and making it a true passion. 

Well, reading is a nice change from TV. I forget all the time how much it takes you away to a different place and gets your brain thinking and feeling. I've cried, laughed and been completely engrossed in books. I would like to get back into it - time permitting, or making it a priority.

So far, loving the Hemingway I love. I'll pick and choose for now. I like how harsh and truthful he is. I like how he uses very large sentences like I do. Plus he's very romantic, not about women it seems, but about life and writing and stories. Yeay for discovering a classic :) 

HOARDERS!

New thing of today, watched the first episode in the season of Hoarders. I was really excited when I found out it was on our Netflix instant view. I am fascinated and amazed. I think we all have a natural pack-rat tendency to keep things for future use. This is obviously an extreme version.

It's so hard watching people who cannot let things go. There was woman in the first episode who wanted to keep expired food, over a year old. The lady needs a class in nutrition. She wanted to keep frozen ricotta from 2007. She kept eggs in the fridge for a year because they were too pretty to eat. She was once poor and couldn't afford food so she's gone overboard with hoarding food.

Anyone who has moved knows it's hard to sort through things and figure out what needs to stay or go. I get very sentimental and attached to things. We also have a smaller place and need to minimize in order to maximize - less is more. I've travelled and lived with a just a suitcase amount of stuff for about a month. I've gone camping over the summer with one duffel bag. I think I've been lucky enough to have experiences that show me that, stuff isn't needed to survive. These people though, they are emotionally and psychologically connected to their things.

I think it's a shame that the show - at least this episode, doesn't try to deal with this issue more psychologically. Instead they just deal with the organization of it and a crew to come in and move/get rid of things. They document the extreme sad situation the hoarders are in, but not really helping them get a fix on how to prepare their mind for fixing the problem. I think the show Clean Sweep does a better job of helping people deal psychologically with - ok how to keep and what to keep. Keeping half versus all and just moderating and balancing a clutter issue.

The music and tone of the show is incredibly dark and over dramatic as well. I was actually disappointed by the show. I though they would do a better job helping the problem. Instead they sort of just put a band aid on it and just bring trucks and people to help move things out. They don't really help hoarders where they need it, in their habits and mindset. I find they just put the hoarders under an unpleasant humiliating spotlight, rather than focus on helping change them. Maybe in later episodes the tone changes, but not this first one. An overall it gets an "eh" for my rating. Not really worth 40 minutes of time. I could probably clean the house with this in the background as good motivation :) That's probably what I'll do next time.

A friend asked me today - how is the blogging going, one new thing a day? It's been 30 days just about :) Some of it is a chore honestly. I don't always have a "new thing tried or done" by evening time, so I sort of have to come up with something or try something or watch something or eat something. Plus it's a bit of a chore to blog about it too. Although overall I think it hasn't been bad at all. I am thinking/hoping that if I can maintain discipline with this writing blog, I can maintain it with other things like school, cleaning, exercise and other areas of my life.

I've planned out a few new things in advance. I bought a bunch of snacks and drinks to try. I have TV shows and movies queued up on Netflix. I've had some activities in mind. Although I think the biggest change is when it comes to making decisions at that moment. I find myself more willing to try new things and putting my adventure shoes on. I never realized how much I cling to the familiar or get anxiety about trying new things.

I suppose my expectations are overly high in general, so in trying new things I'm overly resistant of being disappointed. Although I'd say 80% of things go well and only 20% are a waste. Plus if they're a waste, I learn from them anyway :)

I suppose the show Hoarders is an apt 30 day post. I'm not hoarding onto old familiar experiences and repeating them. I'm trying new things every day. I suppose I should get more creative with my "new things" posts. That's definitely something new I can work on :) This is definitely going to continue and I've enjoyed it so far!

Balance

New thing of today, staying in balance with life, versus trying to do everything I want. At work, they were giving away free tickets to an LA King's hockey game, and I declined to enter my name in the ticket raffle. We've been pretty busy lately at home with personal stuff and I've noticed a lack in things I need to do. House needs cleaning, homework needs doing, walks need walking and groceries need buying. Instead of doing these things we've been watching football, movies, TV shows, eating out, blogging and surfing the internet.

There's pressure and time commitment of school, responsibilities of house ownership, attempt at being a good wife, attempt at staying healthy, work responsibilities and play time. I've neglected a few things in the name of play time. Mainly, I've neglected reading my homework and doing my assignments, so I'm nervous for the weekend - I want to enjoy my life but also make the Sunday deadlines. Oh and there was also the plan to paint our master bedroom but that is now out because we don't have time this weekend with school. My health has been neglected as well. I haven't been exercising or eating right. I had a doctor's appointment and physical today. I was reminded that my entire family has all the risk factors of heart disease, high blood pressure, cancer, diabetes, etc. I want to be in better shape.

So because I've replaced my productive activities with fun, I've been out of balance with the other stuff and it's been stressing me out. Fun is fun for now, but the other stuff keeps things even keel. So, I've sort of made a new mantra to live by.

Do what keeps your life in balance.

It came about because, we have so many choices to make every day. What do you do during your work break? Relax and surf the web, or go for a 10 minute walk outside, or read textbook, or catch up on emails and/or chat with a friend? We have way too many things we need and want to do. They ALL need or want doing? So how to choose? Whatever keeps life as much in balance as possible. Perhaps I'll try the metaphor of a multiple seesaw, multiple balance scales or multiple tanks. They are all there and they all need/want filling or piling of stuff. In order for all of it to work, all of them must stay in balance.

So now, the strategy is, to do the thing that needs the most attention or that hasn't been done in awhile. For example, homework is very much in the red danger zone of getting out of control, so I'll do that first. I guess it will be a game of, fill the line to satisfactory, instead of fill just one to the line to full or "exceptional". Perhaps it is mastery of average versus mastery of one. Jane of all trades, in life. I won't be the best friend in the world, but you'll get the call from me once a month versus once every few months. The house won't be immaculate, but it'll be relatively clean. The workout won't be the best one ever, but it will get me out of the house. The reading won't be absorbed completely and the essay won't be brilliant, but it'll take care of itself. I think I really need to stop being the overachiever in what I do. Stop spending the extra hour making things "perfect", and just do it. How insane is that? How do I learn to walk away with "just ok"?

Right now I'm definitely not in balance. The seesaw is out of whack but it's also been a lot of fun :)

So yes, I definitely need to focus more on the balance part. Just doing things and then moving on to the next thing that needs doing versus overdoing one thing. Seesaw is good once in awhile, but balance is key to keeping everything in order. We'll try the balance trick and see if it works. If not, it'll be fun on the seesaw as I try and work it all out.

Memorial

Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.


So, not to start off morbid, but my new thing of the day was to go to a funeral/memorial. Been to funerals for relatives, but this was a first since it was for an old boss. A former coworker E called last week and told me the big boss B had cancer and died. I was in genuine shock & quite sad. So today was his burial & memorial reception. I felt the need to pay my respects and go, but I also wanted to see some old coworkers and find out how they were doing.

It's amazing how a death can stir up the past, make you reminisce and reflect. It wasn't a heavy memorial for us. We got there late but quickly spotted some familiar faces. It was more of a good natured reunion with sad circumstances. We spent most of the time catching up and reminiscing. I think the Big B would have liked that. 

Anyway that place we all worked was my first job out of college. It was a non-profit economic development organization, and it I remember being idealistic and hopeful of changing the world, truly making a difference and helping people. I left about two years later disillusioned and trying my hand at business at a large corporation you have heard of. 

So this event made me realize that I still have a lot of room to grow and there's a lot of space left to become a better person. It wasn't the death so much that made it evident. It was what I left behind and an old coworkers who inspire me. Big Boss B made me realize that sometimes your work and coworkers are your life, and he always treated it with the upmost importance and respect. Old manager L taught me the value of relationships and friendship, and sometimes it's more important to be a friend than a boss or coworker. Coworker E reminded me to follow my own path, and to not listen so much to negativity and unhappy people in trying to find your way. Coworker V inspires me to be sophisticated and classy, in every non-money related sense of the word. 

Lately, I've been conflicted, with some of the same themes popping up. I feel this was an important evening, a reminder of what is essential. Little signs along the way don't hurt. On the way to the memorial I saw an accident on the freeway and said a little prayer for the people in it instead of being a rubber-neck. The song "Live Like We're Dying" by Kris Allen came on the radio. On the way home I stayed glued to my phone most of the time, but when I looked up and saw a "People Before Profit" pharmacy billboard. We ran into another traffic jam/accident on the freeway so we took a detour through the old neighborhood I used to drive going to my old job. And finally, on the way home I put my head up again away from the phone and see a vanity license plate saying 4FRMGOD. Kind of like 4 people who inspired you tonight, and FORE as in "watch out ahead" from God.

Yes I believe in the supernatural, because I'd like to believe there's just more, even though we might not understand how or why. Plus I'd like to believe there's some magic out there, something mystical and powerful to guide us along. 

So that's my new thing of the day. Sort of, diving into a death and finding a new lease on life. Thanks for the inspiration Big B. Thanks for being a good boss and a good guy and giving us lots to laugh about in remembering you. May you rest in peace and know that you brought us all together and made a positive impact in our lives. 

The Beginning

Today, I decided to try just one new thing a day. Life has too much to offer. We need to make a conscious effort to have adventures, realize our possibilities and limitations. I suppose I want the intellectual, emotional and spiritual exercise of trying something new every day. It will take discipline, which is not my strong suit. It will also be a good idea to write it all down  I also wanted to share this with the world, as I enjoy blogging and reading short fun daily blogs.

First off, I'll admit it, I'm terrible at keeping up with things. I've had a few unsuccessful attempts at regular blogs before. I've written in two personal blogs and had a shared food blog. It all starts off with fire and passion, then eventually fades out. This time, I've created a very anonymous blog and email so I can bare all to those who care enough to read. Also, I have a life purpose versus a writing purpose. Instead of trying to write, I'm going to try to live and record what happens. There will be pitfalls I'm sure. There may be drama, success and banality. Although, I think that's the difference that might make a difference in the writing, that this is not writing for the sake of writing, but more of an adventure.

Anyway, I was probably inspired most recently to re-start blogging from the movie "Julie and Julia" and from some regular public and private blogs I read. Plus the "one thing a day" just stuck in my head. What could I do daily? Well, I could try one new thing a day. Anything. I have some ideas. Some will take long term planning like trips. Some might be completely spontaneous. Overall it should prove for plenty of fodder for the blog, but more importantly, the quality of my life.

For this blog, my first new thing will be to resist the urge to quote a famous quote, which I do often in my writings. I like quotes and the familiarity, impact and emotional connection it makes. Plus quotes get around because they're good and worth quoting. So instead of referencing a quote for my first blog, I will use words that are completely my own. I won't even reference the quote I was thinking of quoting. This blog post needs to end saying something significant and original. A sort of christening the boat before the long journey ahead. 

Sometimes, you have to,
Close your eyes,
Open your arms,
And jump,
If you want to fly.

- KK 100% original :)