That was unexpected

New thing today, was truly truly shocked at something a friend told me. No details, but basically, I found out something completely unexpected about someone I know.

It goes along with something I was thinking about today. How much of our life is ours, and how much of it is a product of something people tell us it should be. I've been pretty unhappy and depressed about job stuff, but not for the reasons people may think. The reduced pay and change of title isn't nearly as demoralizing, as the lowered expectations people have of me, or the loss of faith I have in myself.

How much of my unhappiness is a product of expectations others have of me, or of expectations I have from myself? What is true self realization stuff, and how much of it is what society/others have ingrained in me to believe, that I should be? Lately I've been thinking about what is real and what really makes me happy, vs what I'm supposed to like or do or want. The Zen habit of unlearning I suppose, and finding truth and essence of life.

Like - I should make this much money. I should have this at this age. I should be at this point in my life at this time. I should be happy or unhappy with this or that.

Anyway, maybe this goes along with a goofy thing I saw on TED Talks (new thing), about perception and the illusion of reality or value being more important than reality or value (Rory Sutherland - Life lessons from an Ad Man - very interesting and entertaining), or that I'm reading a ton of science fiction? Anyway. Sorry for... no, not sorry. "Say what you want to say" right Sara Bareilles? I've been loving that song lately and I just watched that video for the first time (new thing) and I'm pretty sure it was filmed at CSUN library and the Northridge mall - HOLLA! I'm going to practice being brave, and thinking and saying things that are on my mind, instead of necessarily saying and thinking the things I think I'm suppose to say and think.

Anyway, not sorry for the existential rant (also not sure if that's the right word but whatever).

So ya. I'm in one of those moods, and this is one of those posts. Maybe there may be more, or not, but ya, new thing.