Black

Past 2 days, color feels black. They haven't been necessarily bad days. After all, I like the color black. My latest book "The Night Circus" which I loved, features black as one of it's main colors. I want & fell in love with black Scottish terriers after watching Lady & the Tramp as a kid - Jaque!

I think I've been feeling hopeless. I've been working overtime at my current job for 3 months plus now, and I feel like it's never going to get better. I'm left with so little time or energy for any real works of love or passion in my life. My job is sucking the life and soul out of my life. I never intended it to, but somehow it has. It's not anywhere near the industry I want to work in, but it is a job, it is experience, and I am not ungrateful, I just feel like I need a recalibration of my spirit and energy. I need some healthy outlets, activities & pursuits to keep my life afloat.

Some possible projects.
- House renovations - fixing up, growing a garden, painting, redoing the bathroom
- Artistic pursuits - painting, writing, reading, bag making, scarf & sock looming, quilts or fun with textiles
- Cultural - cooking Filipino food, learning French (from a small secret love of French culture & a wish to read "The Little Prince" in French), traveling, museums
- Shopping - clothes makeover, haircut & makeup refresh,
-Tech - Buying a digital photo frame or getting an iPad. The frame is to keep a work to remind me of life outside the gray cubicle walls and of important moments. Then I thought, why not an iPad that I can use as a frame and/or toy. Also I notice when I feel a void in myself I tend to want to buy tech and/or purses and stuff more. Which is why I'm trying to find more creative outlets to satisfy.
- Health - eating right, exercising and shedding all that extra weight I carry around. I need to let it go.
- Music & Dancing - because I forget to listen & to dance.
- Relationships - Have better relationship with God. Also keep in touch with friends. Attentive to family & pay more attention to husband.

Of course, day to day reality, go to work, exhaust self, go home, eat take out, veg in front of tv to unwind, maybe do some homework, self groom (minimal) before passing out in bed. Yup that's not a healthy schedule. Spend weekends diverting attention or recuperating from work. Sometimes have fun. More homework, and resting & eating out. Right now my life centers around my job. I've got to refocus.

There has to be more to life than that schedule, that center. I have to make more out of my life than that routine revolving around the job. I admit I'm a perfectionist, workaholic, eager to please & afraid to disappoint.

What is my true center? Need to revolve my life around that rather than what it is now.

A life well lived is art. I want my life to be a frickin masterpiece. Full of color and variety, spice, spirit but most of all beauty - true beauty.

So here's to making my life a work of art rather than just work. Must find my true center & revolve my real life around that. It all starts with black. And I'm back in black.